Twelve Olympians and One Mall
by Imagine96
Summary: The twelve olympians go to a mall. Every chapter is a different store.R&R! Rated T for space
1. Prolouge

**A/N: This is just something that popped into my head and I thought i****t would be funny. Pl****ease give suggestions for stores**** that you would find in you**r** local mall.**** And if you were wondering, yes, I did get the idea of Apollo being really hip from Percy Jackson and the Olympians.**

**------------**

**Prologue**

The day was all but perfect. Gray clouds covered the sky, and rain was pouring down from Olympus. Yes, Olympus. I know what you are thinking, "There is no Olympus. It's just a myth that the ancient Greeks believed in." Well I'm telling you that it's true. The twelve Olympians sit in their thrones even now, controlling all that goes on down here on our puny Earth.

With Zeus as their king and lord of the sky, the twelve gods and goddesses live happily among the clouds. Hera is the queen of the gods alongside her husband, Zeus. Poseidon rules the waters, and Hades controls the underworld. Athena is the goddess of wisdom, Hermes, god of thieves and messenger of the gods, Apollo, got of music and poetry, Dionysus, god of wine, Ares, god of war, Artemis, goddess of the hunt, Aphrodite, beautiful goddess of love, and her husband, Hephaestus, god of fire.

They were doing their duties one day -with Dionysus, drunk while making his vineyards grow, and Aphrodite, flirting with Ares while looking over a wedding- when Hermes called a mail break.

The Olympians quickly sat at their thrones, and opened the mail slot in the side of it to get their mail.

They got:

Dionysus- A letter from Demeter complaining about too many bad grapes in her field's vineyard lately. He threw that one out after reading it.

Hades- None, he's not the most popular (or liked) god, and he wasn't even going to think for a second something from Persephone came because they were in a big (well, bigger than usual) fight.

Aphrodite- Her mailbox was (and always is) overflowing because of all her fan mail and love notes. She kept staring at Ares admiringly because he sent more than half of them. She threw out the hate mail from Hera telling her to stop flirting with Zeus.

Hermes- A note from the Olympus General Store about a theft. He snickered and threw it out; it was his idea anyway to rob the stupid place. "Shopping Place of the Gods," they didn't even sell a bar of soap that smelled decent or lasted for more than a day.

Hephaestus- A new fireplace. He had ordered it from and they were happy to sell him the fireplace for free.

Athena- Books from She read selections like, "101 Ways to Kill Your Biggest Enemy," (A.K.A: Poseidon) "Quotes from the Wise Ones," and "The Owls of the Century."

Poseidon- "The Daily Sea Chronicle," the ocean's newspaper that he was on the cover of.

Hera- "Olympus Gossiper" It told her who Zeus was "with" these days so she could keep an eye on his lovers.

Ares- He got daily updates on Iraq. He loved the action, so he checked "no" on whether to stop the war or not.

Apollo- A collection of Fergie CD's. She's his favorite music singer that he created.

Artemis- An antelope pelt coat that she had killed herself and sent to a tailor to get sewn.

Zeus- One white envelope addressed to all of the gods.

"Hey! I have one for everybody!" Zeus yelled to get the other gods out of the trance they were in whenever they read mail.

"Ouch!" Hermes exclaimed as a piece of a crumbled column fell on him because Zeus's loud voice made all of Olympus shake.

"Wait!" Hera said. "Just let me finish this page- SEMELE?" she yelled as she saw her husband's new lover in her magazine. "I THOUGHT SHE WAS BURNED WHEN SHE SAW YOU IN YOUR DIVINE FORM!"

"I-I convinced Hades to bring her back! W-we only had lunch, d-dear." Zeus answered cautiously. He knew how angry his wife could get.

"You can argue later!" Athena said. "Let's see what's in the envelope!"

"Okay." Zeus answered, relieved to keep the argument off for a while so he could think of a good comeback later. He then started to read the letter.

"Dear Olympians,

You are invited to the Westfield Shopping Mall, located in Topanga, California. Enclosed is a list of shops, and food choices. You will always be welcomed, so feel free to come and go as you please.

From,

Heracles

P.S: Don't ask how I got this, you don't want to know." As Zeus finished reading the letter, there was a long silence.

"What's a mall?" Apollo asked. He wasn't exactly the brightest of the group.

"It's a giant structure with many stores and food booths inside of it." Athena answered. She spoke slowly so Apollo could understand her.

"How do you know these things?" Apollo asked.

"When you're the goddess of wisdom, you just know these things. You'll understand eventually." She answered while gently petting her owl.

"When can we go Zeus?" Aphrodite asked, longing to find more beauty items.

"Now! If my son went through a lot of trouble to get this it must be worth it!" He answered.

In a second they were standing outside of the mall…in the pouring rain.

"MY HAIR!!!!" Aphrodite screamed.

"Calm down Aphrodite!" Poseidon said. "It's just a little water!"

"You're the god of water Poseidon, of course it doesn't bother you." Athena said in a very bored and quick way.

"Well why doesn't it bother you?" Poseidon shot back.

"DUDES!!!" Apollo interrupted. "Peace yo!!" The arguing gods glanced at each other with hatred before finishing their fight.

"ZEUS! MAKE IT STOP!!!" Aphrodite yelled.

"Oh, yes, sorry." Zeus apologized (which he rarely does).

"Why do you apologize to Aphrodite and not me?" Hera asked.

"Um….." Zeus replied, unable to answer his wife's question without making her mad. He quickly made the clouds part, and the sun came out into a light blue sky, and they all walked into the parking lot of the mall.

-----------------------

**A/N: If you were wondering, it wasn't supposed to be very funny '****cause**** it's only the prologue. R&R please!!!!**


	2. Chapter 1: Abercrombie and Fitch

**A/N: I apologize in advance for all chapters that take me a long time to write, including this one. But because of the long wait, I tried to make this a really good chapter. Hope you like it!**

**--**

**Chapter 1: Abercrombie and Fitch**

Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Hades, Athena, Aphrodite, Hephaestus, Apollo, Artemis, Ares, Hermes, and Dionysus casually walked towards two black rimed clear glass doors. When they got about five feet away from them, they magically slid open revealing a large hallway with tile floors, white walls, and a glass ceiling, showing a second level, that looked almost exactly identical to the first. Many humans walked around the inside of the mall, not even noticing the doors that opened by themselves, while the twelve Olympians stood in awe.

Without any hesitation, Artemis took out her bow and arrow.

"Mysterious person who opened this door reveal yourself!" Artemis yelled attracting everyone's attention. Now hundreds of eyes were staring at Artemis and the eleven other weirdly dressed gods who were safely behind her.

A little girl in a bright pink shirt with a flower embroidered on it and jeans told the gods, "Lady, the doors always open by themselves! No one did it. My teacher told me on a field trip that there's a machine at the top that sees you and then it opens!" The girl's mother quickly covered her child's mouth at her smart remark and whispered something to her, probably a scold.

"A machine? What is that weird contraption? It must be dangerous!" Artemis quickly shot her arrow into the center of the machine. "Minotaurseye," she whispered to herself with pride.

"Yo, Sis! You shouldn't have killed it! Remember- Peace is the key to power, not strength." Apollo said.

"When did you think that one up A Man?" Hermes asked obviously impressed.

"Just now."

"Then that explains why it sounds horrible," Athena stated in her bored smart tone.

"Hey Wisey I'm still working on it!" Apollo defended himself badly compared to Athena –or Wisey's- comebacks.

"Let's explore this place! It looks….Interesting. And anyway, I think I smell wine!" Dionysus said.

"Okay," Zeus said. "One, two, three GO!!"



And with that signal the twelve gods and goddesses walked into the mall, pushing out people in their way like ants. By watching the gods, the people who were not yet squished took great care to stay out of their way.

The gods looked around at store, after store, after store, until they were stopped by two girls who looked like they were about fifteen. One of them had black hair with blonde streaks, and was wearing a red shirt that said Abercrombie 92 on it, and a pink tank top under it. For bottoms she wore dark tight –VERY tight- jeans and flat shoes that were brown and had a design on it. Her friend was wearing a green striped long sleeved shirt, with a light blue sweatshirt that said Fitch on it. She wore jeans that flared at the bottom, and brown –what looked like- seal skin boots.

"OMG!" The first one said. "Look at their clothes, Emily!"

The girl who was said to be Emily said, "I know! Like, should we take them to work with us, Joan?"

"Totally! They're gonna need it."

By now the Greek gods were not sure whether they should be offended or glad at their remarks, but Athena new better then to just stand there and said, "What is wrong with our apparel?"

Joan shifted her wait to her other foot, put her hands on her hips and talked back to the goddess of wisdom (which **no one **should do).

"Look lady," Joan began. "First of all, no one says 'Apparel' anymore. Secondly, what's wrong with it is that it's so 2007. With a new year comes a new fashion. Get up to date." Athena, taken aback by this remark, pointed a finger at the girl, ready to disintegrate her, and she would have if Apollo didn't stop her.

"Come with us!" Emily said.

The twelve Olympians followed their guides up a moving stair case (which Aphrodite made Ares carry her up on because she got "scared"), into a shop with a giant black and white picture on the wall.

There were two pictures actually, with a line split down the middle separating them. The one on the left was of a girl, about sixteen years old, in a tight shirt, and skirt that was shorter than your pinkie finger. She had a very serious and somewhat depressing look on her face. The picture on the right was of a boy with a striped collared shirt and jeans that looked way too low.

"Girls this way, boys that way," Joan said pointing to the direction that the gods should go.

--



The goddesses walked into the store and immediately stopped and stared to take it all in. Everywhere they looked there where countless shelves of clothes. Aphrodite almost yelped with joy. This is exactly what she wanted, a shopping spree.

"What is this place?" The goddess of love asked in a dreamy voice.

"I don't know but there are no sensible clothes around here," Athena said. "I mean, no togas! What store doesn't have a toga?"

"It's the twenty-first century Athena!" Aphrodite told her. "And if you never noticed, you are the only one who still wears togas.," Athena ignored her rude remark and walked deeper into the store. Hera soon followed.

Meanwhile, Artemis and Aphrodite stayed in the main part of the store. They looked around for a minute, and then attacked (literally) the clothes. Aphrodite was scrounging through a stack of tee shirts or various bright colors (of which her favorite was pink), with words that said "Abercrombie" or "Fitch" on them. Artemis (more calmly) admired a rack of shirts with more subtle colors that had a "V" neck.

Athena and Hera were now in the front of the store, looking at a long-sleeved shirt that looked like there was another shirt under it. Hera was concerned about this because she thought that the person in charge of shelving had made a mistake.

"Manager!" Hera yelled.

"Yes?" a man with scruffy brown hair and horn rimmed glasses replied.

"Your items are attached to one another! This is not acceptable! I don't believe anyone has noticed this before! You scruffy blab bag you call yourself a store manager? I should call the health services or whatever you people call the store evaluators these days!" The goddess argued, speaking very fast.

"Umm…Sorry ma'am, but they are supposed to be attached. They come that way…"

"Oh… " Hera said, humiliated now that she realized her mistake. "Sorry undeserving human." And with that she walked away, leaving the store manager confused and deeply insulted.

--

On the other side of the store, the gods were having a totally different experience.

Zeus was the first to roam off on his own, leaving his friends alone to discover this new store.

The thing that first caught Apollo's attention was a pair of jeans that looked as if they had been worn for a while and cut up, so there were many holes. _Awesome!_ He thought. _These pants are totally vintage dude!_



Meanwhile, Ares was off looking at some shorts that looked a little too short to even be called "shorts." They were brown and had brown drawstrings. Ares held them up to his waist, and looked at the nearest mirror, admiring his image and wondering if Aphrodite would think he was hot in it, and make Hephaestus jealous. He headed straight to the dressing rooms to try it on.

Hephaestus walked around, not finding anything appealing. He soon found Hades and decided to stick with him. "Hades, can we go now?" The god asked.

"Hephaestus you are such a party pooper! This place is flamin'! Let us all stay for at least another twenty minutes." Hades said.

"Fine." Hephaestus answered and kept walking behind Hades with a noticeable slump in his posture.

Dionysus was half paying attention to the clothes because of the strong smell of wine in the store. He was in a partial trance when a girl (who obviously worked there) came up to him. She was very beautiful (almost at beautiful as Aphrodite when she's with Ares).

"May I help you?" She asked in a dreamy voice that any sensible man would instantly fall in love with.

Dionysus (who did not notice that she was clearly flirting with him) looked down at the girl. Instead of long legs and a thin torso, he envisioned the base, body and neck of a maroon wine bottle. Replacing her thin blonde hair, the wine god saw an uncorked top of the bottle with white foam dripping out of it. Dionysus didn't realize it, but he was drooling at the site of all this.

"Ummm…Sir? Are you okay?" The girl asked in a rather scared tone.

"Yeah…" The god answered as if he was drunk.

"Okay. I'm going to go then…" She said while backing up slowly as if Dionysus was a rabid dog.

"NO! WAIT! WIIIIINE!! COME BAAACK!"

--

At the dressing rooms, Aphrodite, Hera, Ares, and Hades –with Hephaestus waiting for him- waited in line. When one person came out, Aphrodite and Ares both went to the same stall. There could be quiet murmurs heard of things like "You take it. No you," until they finally walked into the same stall.

Apollo walked out of the next dressing room and to the register.

"Hey Dude! What's up?" he asked the "Dude" at the register.



"Nothin' Man, just workin'." The man answered. He had long blonde hair and a tie-dyed shirt.

"Coolio! Okay, I'll just have this, Man," Apollo said handing him the pair of destroyed jeans.

"Wow Man, you're so awesome! No one ever buys these, and I can never figure it out!" The man at the counter said in awe. "Hey, I know somethin' that will go great with these rad pants!"

The young boy led Apollo to a rack with many shirts that had funny or just usual sayings on them. "Now where is it?" The teenager mumbled almost to himself. He pushed back blue, red, green, forest green, turquoise, and even pink shirts. Some said things like "I work for food," "All I need is my girl," and "Junky is funky."

Finally, he got to a maroon shirt that said, "Make peace, not war." The writing was in a dark red, and there were peace signs bordering the words. Apollo loved it the minute he saw it.

"I'll definitely take that, Dude."

--

Soon after that, all of the other Greek gods and goddesses came up to the counter to buy what they wanted. The cashier had asked them if they were all paying together and Zeus answered yes.

"That will be about 699.99." the woman said, her eyes wide open, shocked that someone would buy something at such a high purchase. Zeus handed her ancient Greek coins that equaled to an American amount of 699.99.

"Um, I'm sorry Sir; I can't accept that as money-" she said looking oddly at the gold coins.

"WHAT??" Zeus yelled in one of his (usual) rages. "CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT THESE ARE SOLID GOLD GREEK COINS? THE HIGHEST PRICED GOLD GREEK COINS INFACT! AND YOU SAY THAT YOU CANNOT ACCEPT THEM?" Zeus then lifted up a lightning bolt that all of the other Olympians knew could burn anyone (or anything for that matter) to a crisp within a matter of seconds, while the cashier had no idea what it did, and did not want to find out.

"Oh, oh, it's ok Sir. You know what? You just happen to be out one thousandth costumer! You can have all that for free!" She said out of fear for her life.

"Oh," said Zeus casually as though nothing had just happened. "What fates! Thank you!"

Then the Twelve Olympians walked out of the store.

"Zeus, what were you thinking? Scaring the Humans like that? The shame!" Athena had started one of her lectures.



"Not to worry Athena! I brought the fake lightning bolt! It couldn't hurt anyone if I told it to! I just used it do scare her!"

"Wait," Hermes realized. "where's Dionysus?"

Somewhere on the second level of the mall, Dionysus was chasing his beloved wine bottle looking love.

--

A/N: So, I that was the long-waited for first chapter. I decided to start with that store because it's most popular. Remember to give store suggestions in your reviews!


	3. Chapter 2: The Record Store

**A/N: Ok, I had a lot of suggestions, and I'm sorry that I'm not doing any of them in this chapter. It's not that none of them were good, and I will get to them, but I got this one in my head a while ago and I'm really excited to write it. **

--

**Chapter 2: The Record Store**

The twelve gods and goddesses walked out of Abercrombie and Fitch in their new clothes. Though they were still distinguishable from all of the other humans in the mall, they fit in just a bit more without their Greek clothing on.

The air filled with music which got Apollo excited. The music playing Apollo immediately identified as sixties rock n' roll, but surprisingly enough, he did not recognize the singer, or band, but it did sound like someone he created to play music, or maybe four people.

Suddenly, the god of music's sight focused on where the music was coming from. It was a store that said Top Rock Music Store in big red letters.

In one of the windows, Apollo saw a gigantic sign that read, "Beatles Week." That was it! He had known when he created John, Paul, George, and Richard (who had now become Ringo), they were going to become a great sensation, but he never had checked up on them to see what they had done. Apollo now started to listen to the music.

_I am his, you are his_

_You are me and we are all together…._

Apollo let the lyrics (which turned out to be nonsense) take him away.

…_I am the eggman (wooo)_

_They are the eggmen (wooo)_

_I am the walrus!_

_Goo goo g'joob!..._

When the song was over, Apollo walked into the store, almost in a trance. He had fallen in love with the Beatles' music.

"Apollo," Athena started as she and the other Olympians stared at the god of music oddly. "Where are you going?"

Unsurprisingly, Apollo did not answer. He just kept walking until he walked beyond the threshold of the door to the store.



The remaining eleven Olympians rushed into the store to drag their friend out but once you go into the store, it's almost impossible to go out without having listened to at one least amazing CD.

When they got in, they immediately forgot about Apollo and went to the area that appealed to them the most. Hera and Artemis went to soft rock, Athena and to classical, Hades, Zeus, and Ares went to heavy metal, Aphrodite to pop, Poseidon and Hermes to Broadway, Hephaestus to Disney, Dionysus to a new section; Sounds of the Vineyard, while Apollo could –of course- be found at the section that said Beatles Week.

As a new song a came on, Apollo stopped looking at the back of the Rubber Soul Beatles' CD, closed his eyes, and let the music take him away.

_Picture yourself in a boat on a river,_

_With tangerine trees and marmalade skies._

_Somebody calls you_

_You answer quite slowly,_

_The girl with kaleidoscope eyes…_

…_Lucy in the sky with diamonds_

_Lucy in the sky with diamonds,_

_Lucy in the sky with diamonds,_

_Ahhhhh, Ahhhh…._

Aphrodite could be found nearby, almost on top of a poster with a man's face that read Justin Timberlake under it. She had already picked out five of his CD's, and was listening to even more. With her headphones on, she did not realize how silly she looked dancing to music that no one else could hear, while on top of a Justin Timberlake poster.

_I once had a girl_

_Or should I say,_

_She once had me._

_She showed me her room, _

_Isn't it good,_

_Norwegian wood…._

Apollo had convinced the DJ to play the whole Rubber Soul album and it just happened to be on the most beautiful song of the album, Norwegian Wood (this Bird has Flown).

_She said I could stay and she told me to sit anywhere,_

_Then I looked around and I noticed there wasn't a chair…_

By now, the music had sunk in to Apollo's brain and he was literally floating around the room. He grabbed Athena and started dancing with her as she struggled to be freed of his grip. Finally when the music stopped the god of music stopped and calmly walked away like nothing had ever happened. This left Athena dizzy and confused.

A few aisles back, Poseidon and Hermes were looking through piles upon piles of Broadway CD's.

"Hey Hermes! Listen to this!" Poseidon yelled at Hermes who turned his attention to the sound coming out of the headphones of a giant box that played music.

_Whenever I see someone, less fortunate than I,_

_And let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I?_

_My tender heart, tends to start to bleed….._

Hermes looked at the cover of the CD. It was green and black and read in big black letters, "Wicked."

"Isn't this an awesome musical?" Poseidon asked.

"Wicked awesome!" Hermes answered

Dionysus was in a trance, almost as bad as Apollo's, while he was listening to the first CD of sounds of the vineyard. He could hear people walking among vines and picking grapes, and even the popping sound of the grapes when people squish them, and the swishing and squeaking sound of people stomping in giant piles of grapes to get the juice out. Finally he fell asleep.

Artemis and Hera were having a fantastic time exploring the songs of the Soft Rock category. They heard a wonderful variety of songs.

_I know there's something in the way of your smile_

_I get a feeling from the look in your eyes _

_Yeah…_

They were both listening to the song Listen to Your Heart. After that was over, they found an album called All that We Needed by the Plain White T's. Their favorite song on it was Hey There Delilah.

Athena, in the classical section, was listening to some of the greatest classical composers in the world: Beethoven and Mozart. The only song that she didn't like was Beethoven's Seventh Symphony. It was a very low sounding and intense song, just like funeral music. It kept getting louder and louder, and it was to same tune over and over again. It was boring and even a little scary. However, she loved his Fifth Symphony. _DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUN! _The notes rang into Athena's earphones like hammers banging on her godly head. She was startled for a moment, but then regained her consciousness and listened to the rest of the symphony.

Ares, Zeus, and Hades were rocking out in the store to a gigantic variety of heavy metal. They could not hear anything but the music because it was playing so loud, and every time they went to switch the CD, they heard an annoying ringing in their ears.

In the section closest to the window at the back of the store, Hephaestus was listening to Disney music from many timeless classics. He had already listened to The Little Mermaid, Snow White, and Peter Pan. He was currently listening to the soundtrack from a movie called Mary Poppins. There was one odd but catchy song with a strange, long word in it called Supercalafragilisticexpialadocious. He soon got to a song called Feed the Birds, which was beautiful.

_Feed the birds,_

_Tuppence a bag_

_Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a bag…_

The music filled his ears with sadness and joy. He even started to tear because of how beautiful it was. Now, just imagine a strong yet deformed god of fire crying. It's not a very pleasant sight. Anyway, he was now listening to Lady and the Tramp.

_Oh this is the night,_

_What a beautiful night_

_And we call it Bella Noche…_

Apollo was still listening to his beloved Beatles music. Song after song, lyric after lyric, he listened inventively and was learning every song by heart.

_I'd like to be under the sea_

_In an octopus' garden in the shade…_

_Something in the way she moves,_

_Attracts me like no other lover…_

_Dear Prudence,_

_Won't you come out to play…_

_The magical mystery tour is dying to take you away…_

_Let me take you down 'cause I'm goin' soon…_

_Strawberry fields, nothing is real…_

All of the songs were flowing through the God of Music's head and the store. From Helter Skelter to Julia, all of the songs were Apollo's favorite. His favorite CD so far was Magical Mystery Tour. After listening to all of the CDs countless times he finally decided to buy them.

"Woah Dude? Do you really want all of these CDs? Your almost buying out the store!" the man at the counter exclaimed.

"Yep! All of them, Dude! This band is rockin'! I knew I created them for some reason…" Apollo mumbled, but loud enough for the man behind the counter to hear.

"Wait. You…_created_ them? Dude, who do you think you are? Some kind of god?"

"I am a god. The god of music to be exact. I'm Apollo, Dude. One of the Twelve Olympians…Ever heard of me?"

"Dude, you sound like you just came out of a Greek myth or something…That name does sound familiar. Anyway, will that be all?" the naïve boy asked as Apollo rolled his eyes.

"No, my buds are getting some stuff too. Oh, and don't expect us to pay with that weird stuff that you call dollars and…um…cents. Zeus will deal with that if you have any questions." The god of music said plainly.

Apollo left the very confused man as he went to find the other eleven Olympians to tell them he was done. Eventually, one by one they all walked up to the counter and confused the teenager behind it. Finally Zeus walked up and threatened him with his trident. They once again got what they wanted for free.

As they walked out of the store, they looked around wondering where they would go next while Hephaestus quietly sang along to his new Disney CDs which were playing on his new blue CD player. Casually (although greatly noticed by regular people) they wandered up and down escalators until something caught their eyes.

In big blue and yellow letters, it said: PET SHOP



--

**A/N: Wow…that was fun to write. I thought it could be better but I hope you liked it! Review and give suggestions, ****HimmelsDraculina****, I think you know where the next chapter is going…**


End file.
